A break

Loss has seemed to take a big toll in my life in the past 8 months more than it ever has before. These months contain the most hurt i’ve ever felt, the most tears i’ve shed, and my most physically and mentally exhausting days. Not only have I lost my best friends and those closest to me, I lost sight of my God, and i’ve lost sight of myself. I don’t remember how to love myself, and I plan to love me as much as I used to. I don’t remember how not to shut people out, and I want to let people in. I don’t remember how to love my life and everything around me and I want to remember all of these things. 
The past 8 months have also been the most i’ve ever loved. I gave somebody my all and loved them with my whole being. But they also left. Loving people can hurt just as much as losing them. And now I have got to love myself and put myself before others, even if it makes me seem a little selfish. 

I’ve been the loneliest I think I have ever been, and in a bit of a funk. I haven’t photographed anyone or anything in over a month, or picked up my guitar more than 3 times and I need time. Who knows, I may take more pictures and write more than ever during this small hiatus. I will still update my blog, and take pictures of my adventures and friends, but, it may only be seldom as I try to fix myself, see my friends and find my Jesus again. 

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2 thoughts on “A break

  1. I won’t attempt to dissuade you of your grief. It is, in fact, the only way to live through tragedy. I have been exactly where you are: a couple of suicides (my roommate in college and a girlfriend), my wife coming within a breath of dying in 2008, and more crushing breakups than I care to count. I won’t say that it gets any easier. It does not. The good news, though, is that it’s all worth it. Every cold breath in the snow. Every blade of grass in the summer. I can’t wait to go home and kiss my wife and play with the dogs. It’s all worth it.

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