Drowning

Every new daylight

patches up the sleepless night before it

and with every passing moment

that i haven’t heard the familiar ‘I love you’

i sink deeper and deeper  

into a pool of my own hurt

and i can’t catch my breath 

so i keep sinking

and i let my body rest unmoving 

because maybe drowning

will feel better than this hurt

or maybe i’m expecting you to pull me back to surface

A break

Loss has seemed to take a big toll in my life in the past 8 months more than it ever has before. These months contain the most hurt i’ve ever felt, the most tears i’ve shed, and my most physically and mentally exhausting days. Not only have I lost my best friends and those closest to me, I lost sight of my God, and i’ve lost sight of myself. I don’t remember how to love myself, and I plan to love me as much as I used to. I don’t remember how not to shut people out, and I want to let people in. I don’t remember how to love my life and everything around me and I want to remember all of these things. 
The past 8 months have also been the most i’ve ever loved. I gave somebody my all and loved them with my whole being. But they also left. Loving people can hurt just as much as losing them. And now I have got to love myself and put myself before others, even if it makes me seem a little selfish. 

I’ve been the loneliest I think I have ever been, and in a bit of a funk. I haven’t photographed anyone or anything in over a month, or picked up my guitar more than 3 times and I need time. Who knows, I may take more pictures and write more than ever during this small hiatus. I will still update my blog, and take pictures of my adventures and friends, but, it may only be seldom as I try to fix myself, see my friends and find my Jesus again.